Most families talk about the number. Almost none talk about what happens if things go wrong.

Almost none of them talk about what happens if things go wrong: if you sell early, if a relationship ends, if your parents’ circumstances change. That second conversation is the one that matters, and it is far easier to have before the money moves than after.

If you’re nervous about raising any of this with your parents, you’re in good company, and so is the help itself. Money.com.au’s 2026 survey found that 46% of Australians had help from the Bank of Mum and Dad to buy their first home. Among Millennials it was 55%, and among Gen Z, 78%. What’s rare is writing it down: almost two in three buyers who had family help (64%) had no formal written agreement with their parents.

1. Is it a gift or a loan? A gift isn’t repaid; a loan is. That single choice changes what your bank sees, your borrowing power, and what happens later. More on the lender side.
2. Does it need to be repaid, and when? Even “pay us back one day” deserves to be written down, so no one is guessing in five years.
3. What happens if you sell early, or separate? Uncomfortable, but this is the scenario a written agreement exists for.
4. Can your parents genuinely afford it? Helping you shouldn’t quietly create a problem for them. Parents weighing this: see retirement risk.

One number is worth knowing before you sit down together. In Mozo’s 2025 survey, three in four parents who helped their children buy property didn’t expect the money back. In 2021 it was one in three. Only 3% now expect to be repaid in full with interest.

That’s mostly good news. It also means a lot of families are running on an unspoken assumption, and two people can hold different ones about the same $50,000. You might think of it as a gift. Your dad might think of it as something you’ll square up when you sell. Your parents might not even agree with each other. Nobody is being unreasonable. The trouble only starts when nobody says which it is, because the question tends to come up later anyway, usually when you sell or when a sibling asks for the same help.

You don’t have to choose between protecting yourself and respecting your parents. Framing helps: “I want to make sure this is set up so it never comes between us” lands very differently from “I need you to sign something.” The paperwork is an act of care, not suspicion. The point of the conversation isn’t distrust. It is that clear expectations, written down once, are what protect the relationship when life changes. And that is much easier to say out loud before anyone has transferred anything.

A few things make it easier in practice:

• Pick a calm moment that isn’t a birthday dinner, and tell them in advance what you’d like to talk about.
• If you’re buying with a partner, bring them into it. They’re part of the arrangement, and it’s easier for everyone if they hear it first-hand.
• Open with a question rather than a request: “Before we go any further, can we work out what this is, so none of us has to guess later?”

Selling early is the simpler case, but it still needs an answer. If the money is a loan, is it repaid from the sale? In full, or with a share of any gain? If it’s a gift, does anyone expect anything back?

Separation is the harder one. Family contributions aren’t automatically protected. If the arrangement was a vague gift and a relationship later breaks down, the money can end up treated very differently from how everyone assumed. A clear written agreement, made at the time and followed in practice, is the best way to record what everyone actually intended. If you’re buying with a partner, it’s worth reading what happens to your parents’ money if a relationship ends.

It can be as simple as a short written agreement recording gift-or-loan, whether it’s repayable, and what happens on sale or separation. It doesn’t have to be adversarial or expensive. It has to exist.

If the money is a gift, your lender will usually want that confirmed in writing anyway, typically with a signed gift letter saying it doesn’t have to be repaid. If it’s a loan, a lawyer can draft an agreement that suits your family, and your lender will want to know about it.

What you should agree with your parents depends on things an article can’t see: how much they’re offering and whether they can comfortably spare it, whether you’re buying alone or with a partner, how your lender will treat the money, and how soon you want to buy.

That’s what a conversation with Fledge is for. Tell us where you’re up to and we’ll come back to you within 24 hours. It’s free and confidential, and you don’t need paperwork or numbers ready. We look at the whole picture with you, including:

• what gift or loan would change for you, including with your lender
• what to put in writing, and what should happen on a sale or a separation
• whether your parents’ own finances need a closer look before they commit
• what to raise with your parents, and in what order

You leave knowing what matters in your situation and what to decide before any money moves. We can help you work out what to agree and in what order, so the conversation with your parents is easier to start. When you need someone to draft the agreement or check your borrowing, we introduce you to the right family lawyer or mortgage broker.

It’s free because, if you choose to work with a specialist we introduce, they may pay us a referral fee. That never costs you anything, and it never changes who we recommend.

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